Denver's Independence Day

We spent the 4th of July at my long time friend Susan's house. This was different from what we usually do. Typically, we make an appearance at the annual ADAPT 4th of July celebration at Katz's (a local New York style deli). Going to Katz's is always something I look forward to because I attended one of my first ADAPT protests there when I first arrived in Austin back in 1990. I was just finding my identity and self esteem as a disabled person back then. Protesting for the establishment to put in a ramp (in such a public and in your face way--the ADAPT way) was part of me coming into my own in ways that are hard for me to describe.

How we ended up staying at Susan's and not going to Katz's...well, we got a late start to begin with, we have a baby now, coupled with the fact that at Susan's there was a kiddie pool which Denver loved. We stayed to avoid a melt down. It worked out well because Den had more room to roam in between swimming, of course. He was in her dinning room and took about 5 independent, no holding on, steps, just as I had turned around. Confession time: I had reports from his school that he'd taken a few steps alone before, but I refused to call it official until I had personally witnessed the milestone event with my own eyes. By the time his gimpy parents got the video camera out, it was too late. We tried to get him to do it again, without any luck. I promise to post video soon!

As you might imagine, I have mixed mommy emotions. My baby isn't a baby anymore. He really is a toddler now--a big boy. The physical therapy/early intervention services I also had mixed feelings about are helping things along-- that's a good thing.

I am still a bit sad we didn't make it to Katz's. There will be lots of 4th's and ADAPT parties in the future, and I will certainly enjoy telling Denver about my first trip there and my first protest. It seems that we've had lots of big things happen around fireworks holidays. We brought our newborn Denver home on New Years Eve. His adoption was final on July 1st of last year. He took his first steps on July 4th this year. Amazing what fireworks bring on. Happy Independence Day, Denver!

Happy Adoption Day--Denver Reegan Dauber

It was one year ago today that we made the nervous trek to the Bexar County Court house in San Antonio for Denver's adoption finalization hearing. The video of this AWESOME moment is posted below. As we made the trip we were remembering all we'd been through in our adoption journey leading up to this day. Of course, we thought of what all could go wrong, and wondered what questions the judge would ask us. It went on without any glitches at all. The judge was rather eccentric. Down right weird actually. She came out with her black judges robe on wich had about ten bird pins on it. She went through all the formalities, then into this litnay about boys car insurance rates and told us we couldn't change our minds when he was 16 and our prememuims were through the roof. Then proceeded to prnounce the ADOPTION FINAL. Those were the magic words we'd waited over two years to hear! I am so glad you're finally home Den and I love you to the ends of the galaxy and back again a trillion times.

thereputic purge--thx for the indulgence

So much has happened in our lives since I posted last. I have been overwhelmed with grief, mostly. I hope to write more specifically about some of what has occurred over the last six weeks or so. For the therapeutic purpose of getting these things onto the computer screen and out of me--I thought I would simply list them and vow to post more later. We lost our beloved family dog Gracie. There are no words to describe the loss for me of my sweet Grace. Our good friend and Pastor, Tina Carter was reassigned to another church. (Parker Lane to be exact which is in South Austin)--gotta love those Methodists. Mother's Day came and went. Mostly, I basked in the glory and love of my boy Denver and my life partner David. That of course, was not a source of grief, but great joy and anticipation. We received our new Pastor Cheryl Broome. I don't know her well enough yet to make a judement. We found out yesterday, that our weekend attendant is leaving us. She found a real teaching job, using her degree. We're happy for her, but sad at the same time. She helps all three of us over the weekend, which is no small feet. Valarie is one of the best attendants I have ever had and will be sorely missed. We found out today that Denver's first teacher Ms. Debbie is also leaving for greener pastures. She has been a true godsend, I couldn't ask for a better 1st experience for Den than her and she has helped him tremendously with his walking. He stands some alone now and walks some holding on with one hand. Hooray Den! He's been receiving ECI. He's not officially caught up yet, but doing so much better. Dad's day came and went. I toyed with the idea of calling my Dad, but discovered his number is unlisted. I tried to get it from my niece; to no avail. My Dad and I have been very estranged for many years. It makes me feel so greatful for David and the kind of father he is to Denver. I am so greatful.

What a post! Thanks so much for reading.

Denver's First Bite

Today was Denver's 3rd day of school. We decided with the ECI referral that he needed to be around other little toddling people and to have some social exposure to kids his age and see other children walking for mobility. The only time he is around other children is on Sundays during and after church. I did a ton of research on preschools in our area. There weren't many places with openings where I would actually leave him. We did find the Goddard School in Cedar Park which is a neighboring community to us. We decided to enroll him for Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9am - 3pm. I liked especially that the school has time devoted to outside play and indoor gym time and the school is cirriculium based. They have a real kiddy gym which is a cross between an indoor playground and a pediatric physical/occupational therapy gym. Seeing him go with Dave the first morning broke my heart. I cried A LOT. When I picked him up. It was mommy bliss because he crawled like a fende to get to me when I came in. They have reported mostly good things--really good that he loves the gym time. I witnessesd him roll his little friend John around inside a sylynder. Den walked while pushing John who weighs as much as Denver does. This seemed like progress.

When I arrived today for pick up, Ms. Debbie (his teacher) said he had an incident with another child. I paniced at first. Apparently Denver was playing with a toy another child wanted and that child bit Denver on the shoulder. She showed me the bitemark and truly there wasn't much there. The mark had lightened considerably and no bloodshed. She apologized and I said it wasn't a big deal since he was OK. I did ask which child and of course because of confidentiality, she couldn't tell me. She had me sign an incident report--a bit much for a class of 12 - 18 month olds... Oddly, she did say he defended himself well. I couldn't help but wonder if the biter got an incident report for whatever Denver did in defense. I didn't press for any more details. One of my matras is "pick your battles"--so I let this one go. I had a twinge of mommy guilt that I wasn't there to stop it, but trying to let that go... as I type...

YUCK Trifecta

I experienced a first-time mommy rite of passage. The Den Man was a bit fussy, but nothing I was alarmed about. I figured he needed a change of scenery. I went to move him and without warning (or symptoms) the entirety of his stomach contents ended up on my shirt. YUCK. I am not talking about a little split-up, more like vomit projectus. All I could think was, "I'm a mom now, I can't loose it--I cannot throw up! Breathe through your mouth, Terri....You can do this." Well the rest of the day was uneventful. Denver went to bed without protest. Around 11pm I went in to check on him, as I have done almost every night since he'd been sleeping through the night, in his own bed, in his own room. He was sleeping soundly. I kissed his foot-- lightly (because it's what I could reach). I quietly left the room. When I got to the end of the hall, I heard what sounded like choking and something else odd. When I rushed back in to check on him, I instinctively turned on the light. I discovered he'd thrown up way more than his little tummy could hold.... All over himself and his sheets. Double YUCK! For able bodied parents, this might not be as labor intensive as for Dave and I. We took him to the Dr. the next day. On the way home we decided to stop at Wal-Mart to purchase several items on the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) which his pediatrician prescribed. Driving there, I started to get sick. Triple YUCK! David, I'm sure thought about bailing and find an excuse to go to Ft. Worth for work or Kansas to visit his kin folk. No chance of that! He was about 12 hours behind me. Quadruple YUCK! So it was coming out both ends (Double YUCK times 3... Our saint of an attendant-- Pansy, (who never said YUCK once) stayed overnight and helped us all. My god, my god we could not have made it without her.

Nearly a week later ...I am finally finishing this post--as we were all in the land of wellness, I feel like we really ALL accomplished something.

The call

The woman from the ECI program called today. I was very surprised because the Doctor's office said that it might take up to three weeks for them to contact us. Dave took the call and told her we wanted to wait two weeks to see if Den had mastered walking. I was out at the time trying out a new jogging stroller we bought last night at Babies R Us. I needed a little retail therapy after our stressful day at the pediatrician. The maiden stroller voyage was a bit rocky. It wasn't at all like what I witnessed the previous weekend. My friend Molly had a jogging stroller for her son and handled it which such ease and grace. I attempted to push the stroller using my non-joystick hand. This post will be short because my arm and hand are killing me. I am hoping to be able to attach the stroller to my wheelchair to use it more efficiently. More to come on that.

I decided that it would be best to confront my fear head on and call the ECI lady back and find out how the process worked. Much to my surprise, Carol was very nice. She explained how the referral, intake and assessment worked. She was quick to point out that they never worry about babies Denver's age, that aren't walking yet especially when they don't have other obvious developmental problems. I got some advice from my friend Tanya who used to work for ECI, to ask what assessment they would be using. We talked about that for some time. She gave several pointers on how to urge Den along, to walking. She meant well, but these were mostly geared for able bodied parents. Then I decided I should be upfront about our wheelchairs. I was really nervous about this. She paused for several seconds and actually came up with some decent suggestions that might work for us to try from out chairs. She agreed to send us a copy of the blank assessment to be used and wait for two weeks to hear from us before proceeding. I was pleasantly surprised and very relieved.

One of the concerns I had about having us and Denver involved with ECI in the first place was that I have known parents who had significant disabilities whose children were referred to ECI were perfectly capable of parenting who had Child Protective Services called on them by the ECI staff, simply because someone thought 'cripples' shouldn't be parents. The CPS worker then further assuming that because the person had a disability they couldn't parent adequately. We also spent almost two years before Denver was adopted educating people about how we planned to handle all the aspects of parenting with some support from our friends, neighbors, faith community and families. There were more Nay Sayers than there were supporters at first. Many were converted after he came home and they saw how well we did all on our own. I might add, we have done a pretty decent job so far--even has he's gained more strength and mobility. Sure, we've had a wheelchair breakdown or other bump in the road we didn't expect, but what's parent's car doesn't break down from time to time or the flu bug came around. We've worked through those unforeseen things and asked for help when we needed it. The Den Man has taken all those things in stride. He's such an easygoing kid!

the 15 month doctor visit

David and I took Denver to his 15 month well-baby, doctor visit today. He was weighed 25.14 lbs and measured 33 inches. The doctor asked about all the usual things--eating, peeing, pooping, language development--We quickly proceeded to list all his words--mama, daddy, cat, dodin (dog), tink u(Thank you), tick tock, quack quack, duck, no, uh uh, mama up, sorry, sit down!, hi, meow, moo, wow. Being the proud parents we are, we thought she actually wanted to know what his words were. She said he seemed to be very advanced with his language, rather matter of factly. She then proceeded with his physical exam. She talked to us and watched him play on the floor. He crawled over to her and pulled up. She seemed very pleased with that.

She then attempted to try to hold him by his hands and walk him around. As usual, he took about five steps and plopped himself on the floor and crawled to the next toy. Denver has become very proficient and speedy at crawling, Dr. Dudley noted. Then she told us that she thought he needed a referral to Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) because he's not walking yet. My world stopped at that moment. ECI! What? Growing up with a disability, I had tons of physical and occupational therapy, those memories came flooding back. I tried to talk her into waiting two more months. Knowing in my mommy gut, he would get there eventually. What's the rush, right? She said she thought he was fine, but wanted to be on the safe side. I had to wonder if she had some judgment or reservation she wasn't voicing.

As part of our culture, we've tried to expose Denver to all different kinds of people with and without disabilities, different ethnicities and skin colors, lifestyles, etc. He's around us and a fair number of people in wheelchairs, but he's also around "walkies", as well. Part of me wondered if he wasn't walking because Dave and I don't walk. Is he not walking because he thinks our wheels are cool and thinks that's a cool way to get around. He has no negative judgment about the wheelchairs, they are just how mommy and daddy move, period. Is he not walking because he's pretty opinionated (like most 15 month old's) and has very specific ideas about what he will and won't do and his own time table to boot. My guess is all these things are true about my boy and he'll be fine-- walking or not. In the meantime, being a first time mom, I still worry...

I am not sure why my feelings about Denver's not walking yet and even more our pediatrician's concern are somehow emotionally connected to my identity as a disabled person. It's not that I'm not ok with being in a wheelchair. I am proud of who I am. It's not that I want my son to crawl forever or not walk because we don't walk. Of course, I want him to achieve all his milestones. When he takes his first steps, I'll cry tears of joy like all mommies do. If for some unforeseen reason he has a physical difference, I'd be fine with that. I want more than anything for him to grow up knowing that its differences and yes even disabilities that make the world a better place to live. More to come and thanks for reading!