the 15 month doctor visit

David and I took Denver to his 15 month well-baby, doctor visit today. He was weighed 25.14 lbs and measured 33 inches. The doctor asked about all the usual things--eating, peeing, pooping, language development--We quickly proceeded to list all his words--mama, daddy, cat, dodin (dog), tink u(Thank you), tick tock, quack quack, duck, no, uh uh, mama up, sorry, sit down!, hi, meow, moo, wow. Being the proud parents we are, we thought she actually wanted to know what his words were. She said he seemed to be very advanced with his language, rather matter of factly. She then proceeded with his physical exam. She talked to us and watched him play on the floor. He crawled over to her and pulled up. She seemed very pleased with that.

She then attempted to try to hold him by his hands and walk him around. As usual, he took about five steps and plopped himself on the floor and crawled to the next toy. Denver has become very proficient and speedy at crawling, Dr. Dudley noted. Then she told us that she thought he needed a referral to Early Childhood Intervention (ECI) because he's not walking yet. My world stopped at that moment. ECI! What? Growing up with a disability, I had tons of physical and occupational therapy, those memories came flooding back. I tried to talk her into waiting two more months. Knowing in my mommy gut, he would get there eventually. What's the rush, right? She said she thought he was fine, but wanted to be on the safe side. I had to wonder if she had some judgment or reservation she wasn't voicing.

As part of our culture, we've tried to expose Denver to all different kinds of people with and without disabilities, different ethnicities and skin colors, lifestyles, etc. He's around us and a fair number of people in wheelchairs, but he's also around "walkies", as well. Part of me wondered if he wasn't walking because Dave and I don't walk. Is he not walking because he thinks our wheels are cool and thinks that's a cool way to get around. He has no negative judgment about the wheelchairs, they are just how mommy and daddy move, period. Is he not walking because he's pretty opinionated (like most 15 month old's) and has very specific ideas about what he will and won't do and his own time table to boot. My guess is all these things are true about my boy and he'll be fine-- walking or not. In the meantime, being a first time mom, I still worry...

I am not sure why my feelings about Denver's not walking yet and even more our pediatrician's concern are somehow emotionally connected to my identity as a disabled person. It's not that I'm not ok with being in a wheelchair. I am proud of who I am. It's not that I want my son to crawl forever or not walk because we don't walk. Of course, I want him to achieve all his milestones. When he takes his first steps, I'll cry tears of joy like all mommies do. If for some unforeseen reason he has a physical difference, I'd be fine with that. I want more than anything for him to grow up knowing that its differences and yes even disabilities that make the world a better place to live. More to come and thanks for reading!